This picture is from this year when we were moving John into his new apartment for his junior year. My husband was home for this particular weekend and we had a good time. I miss my boys dearly this year since Mark is gone all week and it leaves me pretty much alone. I am trying to adjust



but it is difficult. I have managed to make a few changes but not enough to really make me feel much better about myself. I have joined weight watchers again. I joined at work this time with a few of my coworkers. It is going fairly well. I also started going back to the gym I only made it three times this week and my goal is four so I fell a little short on that. I will do better next week. I weigh in tomorrow so we shall see how that is.
My nephew is still in the hospital. He came home for a few days and had a relapse and was put back in. He is not doing well but hopefully he will get better. Please say a few prayers for him. My inlaws are both doing well. My MIL has had her 2nd treatment of chemo and this one went much better than the first. For that I am thankful. My FIL has an appointment this week to see if his hole in his head, where they removed the cancer, is healing correctly. Please pray that it is. If it is not then he will have to have surgery to close it and that surgery is quite extensive. My daugther is now back to work and is doing very well.
Unfortunatly my husband is still out of town working and it looks like he will be going to North Carolina to work in December. Not sure on the details yet but I don't like it at all. Please pray that something in Michigan breaks soon so he can come home to work.
I am still not where I want to be with myself. I still have to make some major changes. I am still very unhappy with myself. If you get a chance please say a prayer for me that I can make these changes in my life that I need to. I want my life back.
I did get my office cleaned out yesterday. Now I can sit in here again and watch tv and work on the computer at home. I need to spend more time at home doing the things I need to.
Well it is time for me to get dressed and ready for my day. Have a good one!

It doesn't seem like a year since this picture was taken but it has been. This was taken last year when we were moving John back to school for his sophmore year. It is that time again, but now it is for the junior year. Time is flying by. I can't believe that my boys are half way done with college already. I can't believe that Tuesday Layla will be a year old and that Aiden will be 6 in September! I wish things would slow down. Funny how when you are younger you want time to speed up and when your older you want it to slow down.

This has not been a good summer for me. Things still are not good for me. I wish so much that I could make them all better again but I just can't seem to. I am at a loss as to how to even go about it at this point. I do know that I am so very unhappy.

My husband was put on a job out of state in March. He is close enough that he is able to come home almost every weekend but that is the only time I see him. 5 months of only being together on the weekends is hard. Every thing gets crammed in on the weekend. All his friends and family want that time as well since they do not get to see him during the week any more either. I know there are people who have it worse, thier loved ones are so far away they don't get to see them at all, and I feel for them. I am just saying how I feel about my situation. It's taking a toll.

Both of my inlaws are in poor health. Both have cancer and are fighting it. My sister in law has had a bilateral mastetecomy with tissue expanders and is still recovering. Very slow and painful process and so hard on her and us. My nephew is in a dark place, thinking about suicide and is now admitted to the hospital where he is thankfully getting treatment and the help he needs. My daugther had surgery for a hernia and it was a little worse than we thought so she ended up being opened up and has to be off work for at least six weeks. Layla had a babysitter that was not family for the first time in her life! (she loved it!)

I have not been in the lake all summer! And I have not been to the gym. I need to make some changes in my brain and I have no idea how.

There have been some good things too. I got a promotion at work. My son finally got a job and he is making money. Layla and Aiden are happy and healthy and beautiful! I get to spend plenty of time with Layla, she comes to stay with me at least a few nights a month. I love that time. We have been at the camper thanks to my brother in law towing it for me. But the bad seems to be winning over in my brain. I have other things that are weighing me down also, things that make me more unhappy with myself than I care to even think about. I can't even write about them and I have tried to, just to get it out but I get sick with myself and angry with myself.

So today I am going to take the day to myself and sit and think and write. Whatever it takes to get myself back on track and happy with Linda again. I need to find Linda again is what I need to do. I know she is in there somewhere. I need a game plan. And I am going to make one today. One that has lots of "alternative" plans so if I mess (if? who am I kidding? When I mess up) up I can go to another plan.

wish me luck.............

Life

Sometimes life is just so overwhelming to me. There is so much going on in my life that is so good and so much that is going on that is so bad. All the bad is overruling the good at this point and I am truly distraught. Not sure what I need to do to make things better, not sure where to turn. Not sure if I could even explain if I had to. I am such an awful person.

Sad, confused, angry

My sister in law called me last night to tell me that the doctors office had called that morning and asked for her to come in to talk to the dr. about her biopsy results. They asked her not to come alone. Carol called Mike (her husband) and together they went to find out what was wrong.

She has breast cancer. :(

I am so sad. I do not want her to have to go through all that she is going to have to go through. Surgery, radiation and chemo.

Please keep her and our family in your prayers.

I will keep you updated

Summer is gone

Well the camper is put away for the winter and I will be home in the evenings and on the weekends now. I always hate it when it is time to put the camper away for the winter but I do enjoy being able to spend more time at home. It also gives me alot more time for the computer. We do not have internet at the camper so I don't get to do much on the computer while we are there. Kinda sad to say but I miss the computer when I don't get to use it as much. I will enjoy getting around to everyone's blogs and finding out what has been going on in your worlds over the summer.
My twins are back at school now. Both are doing really well. Josh is running really well, it seems that each time he has a race he is making a new PR. John is doing well also. He is working at Subway to make some extra money for the little extras that Mom just can't seem to afford after paying the college bill for two! He also ran the Detroit Free Press marathon with me. He blew me away of course like I knew he would but he ran alot faster than I anticipated. He finished in 3:59:10, which for a first marathon is amazing! I was very proud of him.
Robbie has moved back home. He lost his job and was unable to pay his rent so he came back home. Not sure how much he is enjoying it but............you know how that goes! He is hoping to start school in January and that would make me happy if he did.
Jeremy is doing really well. He will graduate from his CAD/CAM course in December. He actually fell in love with this program and has done extreamly well. His letters of reccomendation from his instructors are impressive. I asked Jeremy if he made them up himself and forces his instructors to put their names on them! (I was only kidding!) After all the messed up things that boy has gone through and the messes that he got himself into I am very proud of him for cleaning up his ways and applying himself to something he truly loves. I think that having Aiden did wonders for him. He loves being a dad. Aiden is doing wonderful also. He started kindegarten in September. He seems to like school but he doesn't like getting up in the morning. He is growing so big!
Amanda is doing well. She went back to work in October after being off for 8 weeks after having Layla. She would love to be a stay at home Mom but that won't happen until after Zac finishes school. Zac goes to school during the day and Manda works in th evenings so Layla does not have to go to daycare. And she comes and spends the night with Grandma often too! Her and Aiden love to share the "big" bed at my house! That means they love to steal Grandma's king size bed!
Mark and I have been doing well also. We went to Talladega again this year to see my BFF Linda at the Nascar races. It was cold and wet this year and there was ALOT of mud around but we managed to enjoy ourselves. Mark did get sick while we were there and he stayed sick for almost a week after but he is better now. My sister and Linda both got sick to.
Well I guess that is enough for now. I must go catch up on some journals!

My Fundraising Page

My Fundraising Page

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Last day of fundraising! If you would like to help out please donate! Even $5 would help!

The summer

My summer has truly been awesome. We have spent alot of time at the camper this year. It has been alot of fun. I was also able to finally able to make up north to Black River/Harrisville to see my in laws cottage. No one has used this cottage in years, in fact no one has even visited it in two years now. My husband and my father in law would go up there for one day visits to make sure things were ok and to cut grass and things but for some reason I had never made it up there in the 7 years that we have been together. Well guess what? I fell in love with the place and can't wait to go back! It is so peaceful. Only a mile away from Lake Huron. There is park at the end of the street with a pavillion and grills and benches and picnic tables that is right on Lake Huron. It is actually right where the Black River connects with Lake Huron. I was there each morning with my chair pulled right up on the beach watching the waves roll in. Sitting there with my coffee, watching the water was pure Heaven for me! I will be spending lots more time there I can gurantee you that much!
This pic is what it looked like when we first go there, you can see my husband mowing the lawn if you look close!


This is what it looked like when we got the yard done!
I will post some pics of the inside tomorrow. It is just a one room cottage, well there is a bathroom that is not in the same room, and the place is entirely plumbed with toilet and shower. Hot water too! Ah the wonders of having a father in law and a husband that are plumbers!

This last picture is the view that I had as I sat in my chair and drank my morning coffe. I have more pics of it when it but will share those later. Oh how I want to go back!